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The cake is a lie...
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Noacat
Age. 43
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. YAHTZEE!!
Location Wyoming, MI
School. Grand Valley State Univ
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Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure... REDUX!!
Friday. 3.28.08 8:12 pm
watching: My cat...
listening to: Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' -- Michael Jackson
mood: WOOT!

So, last weekend we watched Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. It's been a good ten years since I last saw it. There's a funny kind of anxiety one has when given the opportunity to re-watch a favorite movie from your childhood.

Okay, okay, technically, Bill and Ted was a favorite of mine from when I was a teenager. Still, I was awful young. And sometimes movies you thought funnier than hell when you were sixteen turn out to be BEYOND dreadful when revisited. I found this out with Weekend at Bernie's. At the time, I thought this was the funniest damn movie EVER. Then again, I was fifteen/sixteen, so what the hell did I know? I mean, I was a huge Debbie Gibson fan back then. DEBBIE FUCKING GIBSON!! (If you saw my hair from that period, you'd understand.)

Anyway, I was nervous about watching Bill and Ted, because I was afraid it'd be another Weekend at Bernie's -- where I'd rewatch it and find, to my horror, that the movie that had such a warm, sentimental place in my heart was fucking awful. (Like I should be THAT surprised that Weekend at Bernie's sucked... I mean, COME ON ME!! It's Weekend at Bernie's.)

Well, I rewatched it and was pleasantly surprised. While it IS a pretty dumb movie, you can't help but love it for being just so damn quirky and weird that anything vaguely dumb about it can be excused and loved all over again.

Aw! I love you, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure!!!

If I ever have kids and they ask what the late '80s/early '90s were like, I'll show them this movie.

Of course, thinking about Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure brings back memories of the NES promotional tie-in video game by the same name. Well, mostly the same name. It was called Bill and Ted's Excellent VIDEO GAME Adventure. Whatevs.

The fact remains, that like ALL movie tie-in games, it sucked ass.

In the game, you were tasked by Rufus to go out and find a list of Historical Figures.

Here's the wiki-article explaining the point of the game. Go ahead, I'll wait. EXPLAIN THIS BILL AND TED OF WHICH YOU SPEAK!!

Now, reading that little explanation might get you to thinking that the game was kind of cool. It wasn't. It sucked. You spent most your time wandering around a screen that pretty much had NO landmarks. So, you have no idea where you're going and you spend an awful lot of time going in circles because one screen looks so damn much like the other. If you were lucky, you might stumble upon the occasional "helpful" NPC. They were supposed to give you hints that'd help you.

They didn't.

You just spent more time wandering around aimlessly, your eyes bleeding from hours of staring at your television screen. The afterimage of the game's monotonous scenery forever burned into your retinas.

Sometimes, when the stars and the moon aligned, you'd actually stumble into an area with a historical figure in it. But historical figures are rare and wily animals. They won't just walk around in the open like normal people, going about their daily business as historical figures. NO! They hide like little bunny rabbits. So you have to lure them out with, get this, HISTORICAL FIGURE BAIT!!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Historical figure bait. Like they're fish.

"Hey, there, Earl. I hooked me William Howard Taft! Git the big net!"

Taft was fat...

William Howard Taft

Original image found here: U.S. President's Page

So, you'd come into an area with a historical figure. I forget how those areas were different from others. Most of my memory of this game has been repressed for my own good. Anyway, there'd be a music blip or some kind of screen note, and you were supposed to drop your bait and lie in wait, preparing for possible historical figure capture-age.

Never happened.

You'd put the damn bait down and pretty much nothing happened. If you didn't move away fast enough you'd scare them away or they'd steal your 'effing bait and you were screwed. Then an in-game message would pop up and taunt you. HA! HA! YOU WEREN'T FAST ENOUGH, LOSER! YOU SUCK!

YEAH, FUCK YOU GAME!

I think I only got close to capturing one historical figure before I got frustrated and gave up.

Now, usually, my video game frustrations can be blamed on my own impatience. I had an unfortunate temper tantrum the first time I played Chrono Trigger, because I sped through without leveling up and tried to beat the final boss with less than half of my spells and abilities learned. I was setting myself up for failure.

But this time, it was SO not my fault. My best friend (at the time) and I tried for four fruitless hours trying desperately to pull some fun out of this joyless little game. All I got out of it was a vicious migraine and the desire to monkey punch whatever idiot programmed the damn thing.

Such is life, I suppose.

2 Comments.


Is the second one the one where they meet the grim reaper and he says " I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick" when they play Clue? I like that part...
» randomjunk on 2008-03-28 09:40:37

Thank you for giving me some advice and relating.
» Bizzle_whore on 2008-03-28 10:47:22

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