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Noacat's List of Cartoon Characters That Should Be Stabbed in the Neck
Saturday. 11.10.07 9:45 pm
In no particular order... **it should be noted that I put up wiki-links to the more obscure shows that some of you youngins might not have been around to see, on account of not being born yet or just too damn little to remember.
Glomer from It's Punky Brewster. Oh, just repellent. Most odious thing ever thought up by a children's show ever. If you are an adult and you happen to hear Glomer's voice, quickly plug your ears. It's been known to drive the weaker amongst us insane with rage.
Slimer from The Real Ghostbusters (I refuse to call it by its slave title... given to it when Slimer took over the show. The bastard.) This is a case of a cute side character in a movie becoming some kind of freaky, kid friendly craze that just takes over. The original show itself was actually a bit interesting when it first came out. The stories were kinda dark, but they always had sort of a neat intellectual bent -- drawing on great works of literature and mythology and such. Until Slimer took over, and it became a total kiddie fest.
Kowl from She-ra: Princess of Power!! (Most useless, pointless character since Orco... oh wait!) This thing was created with one thought in mind: Plush toys. There was no other reason for Kowl to exist but to sell lots and lots of plush toys. *stabstabstab*
Orco from He-man and the Masters of the Universe. The most obnoxious thing about him is his lack of neck. I suppose a good jab to the eye will have to do... another entirely useless character written to provide much needed comedy relief into a series that'd be stiflingly dull without it... as meager as it was. The thing that still mystifies me to this day is what the hell is under that hat. Little fucker is hiding something, I swear to GOD! Orco is NOT to be trusted...
The Great Gazoo from the Flintstones... when did anyone find shit like this funny, like ever? I fucking hate everything about him. His voice. His stupid bulbous hat. His face. Did I mention his voice? I really hate his voice.
Gargamel from the Smufs. Nothing more annoying to me than constant failure. Add to constant failure a vague kind of oiliness, and you have a character that is entirely intolerable. He feels like the kind of character that'd lure young Smurfs into his rickety van with promises of a BMX bike. Boo to you, sir.
Jabberjaw from Jabberjaw... my hate is so palpable for this character that you could pluck it out of thin air and eat it. Seriously, if you didn't find Curly from the Three Stooges nearly annoying enough... here comes JABBERJAWS! Seriously, his voice is just a blatant ripoff of Curly Fine's, and it's not even done well. Plus, it's a fucking shark, that walks around ON LAND and solves mysteries with a bunch of futuristic teenagers. When are producer's gonna figure out that kids aren't that stupid? I was around five or so when this was around and I didn't buy it then. WTF, producers... WTF??
The Catillac Cats from Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats. Though all of them fill me with a deep and powerful hate, the stupid white cat on the roller skates really pisses me off something terrible. Mostly because he danced around on those damned skates... whilst rhyming everything he said like the spirit of some godforsaken beat-poet who had the unfortunate bad karma to be reincarnated into a rhyming anthropomorphic cat who wore roller-skates all the time for no apparent reason. I was also slightly disturbed by Cleo (not pictured), Riff Raff's (that cat in the stupid looking green hat and equally stupid looking matching scarf) love interest. She was way hotter than a cartoon cat on a kid's show should be... add to this her strange poofy hair and leg warmers and... brrr... it gives me chills just thinking about it.
The ENTIRE CAST of Spongebob Squarepants. *pause to wait for the angry mob to die down* Yeah, I know my opinion won't be popular, but I don't care. I hate this show so much. I hate it with the fire of a thousand Pomeranians that have been tied to stakes and set aflame. It is a stupid, stupid show and has made this country even stupider than it was before. No points. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Get shivved in your jugular, thank you... pull ahead to the next window.
I also hated Mister Mxyzptlk from the Super Friends (NO, NO, NO!! NOT THE NEW ONE! The OLD one... from 1973. Man, I'm old.) but sadly, I can't find a picture of him. His voice was almost as grating at the Great Gazoo's (it wouldn't surprise me if their voices were done by the same person). Instead, I give you Gleek and the Wonder Twins from the Super Friends... who were also annoying -- marginally less so than Marvin, Wendy and Wonderdog who had preceded them in early episodes of the Super Friends. Marvin in particular was a noxious irritant. You can have more fun at the Wonder Twin's expense at Seanbaby.com!
Also, honorable mention to the Smurfs... who I liked back when I was a kid, but now that I'm an adult I understand just how annoying they were. Especially that fucking song they'd sing all the time... my father got so sick of it that he created alternate lyrics, which I didn't appreciate then but I do now. *grins most evilly*
La La La La La La
Kill the God Damned Smurfs
La La La La La La
They're a bunch of jerks
La La La La La La
Cut their little throats
La La La La La La
Choke them all with ropes!
Aw! I love my Dad!
I also wanted to express my deep hatred of the Snorks, a sad ripoff meant to capitalize on the success of the Smurfs. I especially hated the little green one who didn't talk. He was a clear ripoff of Harpo Marx and it wasn't appreciated. Fuckers.
Recommended by 12 Members
-applauds- Bravo! Bravo!
I totally agree with you on the choices that I know. XD
» Toowit on 2007-11-10 11:24:22
Wow, I don't think I've ever watched any of those cartoons, except for Spongebob. :P
I'm not sure whether it's the gay implications or not, but Spongebob is... overly creepy.
» randomjunk on 2007-11-11 06:37:05
» shockandhorror on 2007-11-11 09:17:02
Aaaaaaah Jabberjaw!! My head is exploding just thinking about that voice... shark fin soup, anyone?
» Someones_Muse on 2007-11-12 05:03:43
Spongbob is good!
And that's also the only cartoon I know of. =_=
» Bullet on 2007-11-12 08:30:03
Wow, this list is hilarious and brings back repressed childhood memories. I dugg it: http://digg.com/television/List_of_Cartoon_Characters_that_Should_Be_Stabbed_in_the_Neck
» dave on 2007-11-13 01:21:05
Whooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea???? *KABOOOOOOOM* .............*crickets chirping*
» Kahne_Earnhardt_Fan on 2007-11-14 12:47:59
This is hilarious
Spongebob is quite annoying. I dont like the squirrel. But I laugh at Patrick Star and his stupidity.
» Xboyz on 2007-11-14 09:16:52
I have just been brought back cartoons I hated... I once saw a cartoon in China of a bear teaching good manners... That was also annoying...
» hmdaswani on 2007-11-14 09:08:38
Dude, eff slimer.
He was in this ten-minute cartoon movie encouraging children to avoid drugs.
Good point, but quite possibly the most obnoxious thing I've ever seen.
» alexsedotcx on 2007-11-16 02:11:37
Dude you're old.. but then again, some old cartoons are way better than the new ones. I haven't heard most of the titles for ages.. I'm with you on Spongebob, the cartoon never made sense.
» Nuttz on 2007-11-16 07:12:12
That is a long list of shows I've hardly heard of, but I agree with the ones I know. God I wish someone would just dump toxic waste into whatever part of the ocean Spongebob and his annoying cohorts live in.
» Praetorian on 2007-11-17 05:55:22
i watched most of the shows when i was young. But ofcourse, most were taken off cartoon network when i was like 7 haha
» dannixfresh on 2007-11-17 10:44:39
I hate spongebob.
» Dilated on 2007-12-31 01:22:30
ahahahahahhahahaha made me laugh so much XD i don't agree with one--i still love the smurfs, and of the rest that i have seen, i completely agree.
zomw when i saw your spongebob one i was like 'KUDOS TO YOU!!! wait why wasnt spongebob first on your hatelist? =O' -- i hate spongebob =_=
» Kuri on 2008-01-05 08:14:52
hahahahha. I used to watch all these shows. I can't believe how much stuff I've forgotten since my childhood. Like Heathcliff and those cats. HAHAHAHA. I remember them now. I've only watched those new-fangled cartoons like Sponge Bob once, but I found his pet jellyfish to be likeable, if only because he enjoys holding large, crazy jellyfish parties in Sponge Bob's pineapple whilst he is away.
And the Ghostbusters rule! I was so shocked when I actually saw the movie for the first time and Slimer was a bad guy. You should make a list of the sweeeet characters. Like Bebop and Rocksteady.
» Zanzibar on 2008-01-07 11:01:09
» bifocalLs on 2008-01-19 07:03:16
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