I've had the soundtrack from Disney's "Hunchback of Notre Dame" stuck in my head for about a week and a half now. I even bought a cheap copy of the movie, hoping that if I watched it I'd get it out of my system.

Evidently, I was wrong because it's still THERE...IN MY HEAD THE BELLS ARE RINGING!!

I have to say after having watched Disney's version of the Hunchback...it's really dark...for Disney. Seriously. There's an entire song about how much the villain of the story, one Claude Frollo, lusts after the lovely heroine, Esmeralda.

Here's a lyrics site, peruse, if you will, the songs. Check out Hellfire in particular...it's the one I'm talking about, after all.

Lyrics AHOY!

Okay, sure. He's not saying that he's gonna assfuck her with a spikey dildo or whatever, but for Disney...that's pretty dark dude. He's talking about how much he lusts after her and explaining his EEBIL plan to burn her to death if she doesn't put out for him.

Seriously...dudes...seriously....that's dark, man.

I sincerely wish that Disney had the cajones to go even darker, after all, Victor Hugo's original work was really, really, REALLY dark. It's like Hamlet. Everyone dies miserable and alone. What's worse, in the original there really are no heroes. Esmeralda is a simpering idiot, pretty but dumb as a bag of hammers. Phoebus is equally dumb but good looking, the only difference being instead of being a superficial bitch, he's a bastard. Frollo is even creepier in the original version and Quasimodo is a monster. He isn't cute, cuddly or even remotely likeable. He is a freakish dullard, whose social skills are stunted because he's spent his entire life IN A FRIGGING BELL TOWER. ALONE.

At the end, I was kind of sad, but at the same time..I didn't really feel bad for the characters. They all sort of got what was coming to them. Except for Phoebus, who should have been hit by cart...but wasn't.

Back to the Disney-fied version, which is really more a homage to the 1939 Charles Laughton version. For real. Disney's version and that version have so much in common it's silly. They shouldn't have put in the credits, based on the novel by Victor Hugo. They should have put based on the 1939 Adaptation by Bruno Frank of the original novel written by Victor Hugo. Truth in advertising folks...truth in advertising.

All of this aside. I am unreasonably amused by the song, "A Guy Like You".

I'm amused not only because at the beginning they're casually referring to Paris being burnt to the ground. And because I am sick, I find this very funny. I'm also amused by their kind but misguided attempts to encourage Quasimodo. Because while they mean well, the compliments are clearly disingenuous.

In talking this over with my husband this afternoon, first I had to admit we were even discussing something so dumb, second, both of us agree that maybe gargoyles have different aesthetics than humans. So maybe they are being genuine. But I'm not so sure.

I mean, really? How does being shaped like a croissant enter into anyone's aesthetic? If my husband was shaped like a croissant, I'm pretty sure that wouldn't make him more desirable. In fact, I think I'd be pretty freaked out about that. Especially considering he wasn't shaped like a croissant the day before.

I suppose they're saying he's tasty. But who looks for tasty when looking for a mate?

Cannibals maybe...

Still, that line amuses me to no end for its sheer ridiculousness.

Also, was watching "Law and Order" this evening and was amused by a random line uttered by an extra, "I was in the chess club."

It was seriously that random. Lenny and the other guy were talking to a school principal about some kid they suspected in a murder case. The principal proceeded to talk about the kids and from out of nowhere he had this little rambling speech about jocks...and then that last line. It was so weird, that it's stuck with me and probably will for a very long time.

Ten years from now, I'll probably look over at my husband and say, "I was in the chess club, " and then laugh uproariously.

One last thought. While I was watching my husband play "Kingdom Hearts 3" today, we got to the part where Sora first leaves Twilight Town and he starts crying for no reason. Out of the blue, my husband quips just as the tear hits Sora's cheek, "Usul gives water to the dead."

I laughed so hard I nearly blew milk out of my nose.

Again, this proves that sometimes you just had to be there. Same time, it was too funny not to share.

For those that don't get it, "Usul gives water to the dead" is a not so subtle reference to "Dune" by Frank Herbert.

Categories: Disney [t]

ummmmm.. what?
» iammagic_biotch on 2006-07-03 10:07:10

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